Real Love III: Halfway Days

There is this D'Angelo song I enjoy called "Great Day N Da Morning." In the chorus, he croons "Good days, bad days, half way days..." When this album was originally released, I was dating my wife. While I had to purchase about 3 copies of Voodoo, the meaning of that chorus never really hit me until about the 8th year of our marriage.

I must confess that I am guilty of constantly portraying my marriage as a bed of roses. Don't get me wrong, if "bed of roses" was a grade, that is exactly the one I would give our marriage. However, in doing so I have been misleading about one component of our marriage. It's one that no one ever talks about. If people do talk about the bad part of marriage it's usually the abuse and the infidelity. No one ever talks about those "half way days." No one discusses the monotony and drudgery of two people knee deep in their careers and children. When two people who are attracted to each other go to bed too tired to do anything about it.

While I don't have the studies to prove it, I am sure that most of us have that mid life crisis due to this boring routine. I hear too many friends and co-workers express their wariness of the monotony. Unfortunately, quite a few of them refuse to address this. The thing is none of us are honest about these half way days.

There are times when my wife and I wake up and realize we have not gone on a real date in two years! Some days, we flirt and cop feels throughout the day but when the babies are asleep and we finally get into bed, we are too tired to do anything. The next thing we know, we don't even have the strength to have a quickie in the mornin. Let's not even talk about the boring parties we are invited to. Or listening to a close friend go on and on about absolutely nothing. Have I ever told you about the Christmas pageants I abhor? Or the long PTA meetings where one parent goes on a long rant about their trifling child? Staying on long lines at the bank or setting up appointments to see the doctor then waiting forever in a stuffy room.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to adulthood. The part no one tells you about. There are days when we day dream of a time way before when. You know when we had sex 3 to 4 times a day in almost every position and every location that could fit two people. We miss the days of going to bed late and waking up early and still pushing in a full day including the 3 to 4 instances of hardcore loving.

So while the good days outnumber the bad days, the half way days outnumber both the good and the bad together. Again, too many of us fall for this fantasy of constant romance for the next 70 years. This is so untrue. There is routine. There is monotony. You will do things you don't like doing. That's life. Whether you go to college, the military, or down to the bank. It comes with the territory. So you can grin and bear it or find ways to avoid falling into this routine. Just realize that we all go through it. You aren't the only one falling asleep at 9:30pm.