Bullying and Mixed Messages
Working with young people for most of my adult life, you happen to encounter quite a large amount of bullying done by all types. Here's the thing, most of us do it! It's a shocking thought but its true? And before you get all high and mighty hear me out.
We always assume that the bully is that one oversized kid who comes from an abusive home. That may be the case at times, but we are learning that bullies come in all shapes and sizes. We are also learning that bullying is done on a part time basis. We might have one bully who picks on someone, but everyone else will join in with a few jabs or most people might keep their heads down unless they want to be a victim as well. We have also learned that some people might bully one person in one place and not bully anyone else.
For example, I have walked into a department store and I have witnessed grown adults berate customer service workers. I have witnessed people jabbing fingers at waitstaff and call them all kinds of names. I have seen grown adults belittle homeless people. I have been a victim of and have witnessed various forms of police brutality. I have seen this sort of stuff being done in front of children.
I find it counterproductive to tell children that bullying is wrong when we do it every day. We see politicians doing it. We see comedians doing it. We see pundits doing it. We hear religious leaders do it on Sundays. We can go on and on. Some might argue, "well that's different..." It isn't. Ridiculing, berating, or excluding someone for no reason is all bullying. We won't tolerate it in our schools with our children but we let it slide all the time.
Remember, children pick up our cues. So if they see or hear us cussing out a customer service representative or skip someone in line, they will assume that what we tell them is nonsense. I love it when the children I work with throw that back at us. And they should do that. They should challenge us to stick to what we say.
So before you plan on stomping down to your local supermarket and going off, think about it.
19 comments:
True indeed. Best deterrent is peer intervention and I love backing up customer service workers.
I'm feeling this one for sure... I always think little bullies only turn into big bullies with a job or career that gives them the freedom to feel like they have a right to do it. I always liked Clark Kent better than Super Man just for that reason.
@anon I have also learned that some folks are bullies and their friends and family don't know it. They come in all shapes and sizes. Like i stated in the post, some might do it at one place and one place only.
I completely agree with what you said, children who are youn learn things quick! Their brains are like sponges, they pick up anything said or done. The point that if a parent says a child can't or shouldn't say or do something, neither should the parent. Behavior is an important quality in a person and if you behave wonderfully and positively towards everything and everyone that's great!
I agree with you, it is true children do pick up cues from their parents. Therefore, seeing adults acting very childish and bullying other people while the children are there watching teaches the wrong lesson. Why is anyone surprised when the kids do the same thing?
So true... Now days no one has respect for anyone! Adults are often bad examples for us! So now the question is what can we do to make it change?
Bullying is alive and real!
Some people bully to get what they want. Well, that's why I have in the past...
I don't agree with part-time bullies... I think you can just be messing with people anytime you feel like it and that doesn't make you a bully but a show-off. I mean if you do it on a daily basis you could be considered a bully.
I use to get bullied about my height and I would just laugh it off, but it's not fun being bullied. It's not right and I think we need to do something about it.
Adults should not allow fighting or any type of disrespectful words come out a child's mouth or let children playfight cause it can lead on to other problems.
I use to bully kids that I thought were geeks back in middle school but I regret it now. You never know what is going on in someone's household and they probably come to school to get their minds off of things. Bullying is a horrible thing to do! As my mom always said "God don't like ugly!"
The next time I do something and there are kids around I will definately think about it.
The next time I do something and there are kids around I will definately think about it.
The next time I do something and there are kids around I will definately think about it.
To Ford@wwh
thank you for your honesty. I think a great idea for you would be to talk and write about your old bullying ways. I think we all might learn something from it.
To Aponte@wwh thanks for sharing. Its funny because I ended up befriending a bully I had as a kid.
I mess with him and tell his daughter of his old bullying ways, its funny.
thanks for sharing
To Mack@wwh The problem with bullying is that we only recognize and profile "one type." someone can be a bully at work but come home and be the best dad or mom. Someone can be a bully on the basketball court but get straight A's in school.
We assume the bully is like those guys and gals in those coming of age movies, but you can find them everywhere in three piece suits, bow ties, and speaking a fancy language.
To everyone else, thanks for reading my blog and I am glad you enjoyed it.
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