"Daddy, I Want to Be White"
I was thankful that when our middle son, Zumbi, made that statement we were pulling into park. If he made the statement while driving, I might have crashed. I remember coming up and having my own self hatred issues. Like many of my peers coming up, I secretly desired to be white. Thankfully, I was pulled out of that much when I was 16. Yet that is another story for another day.
It is important that I give a little background on Zumbi. He just turned six in October. His other names are strong African names. Heck, I even named him after a revolutionary Latino or two. He even has a coloring book of his namesake and a DVD with a powerful capoeirista named Zumbi. His siblings also have inherited the names of powerful Afro Latinos. He can point out Paul Laurence Dunbar before Jay Z. As a matter of fact, he doesn't even know who Jay Z is. I can pull out pictures of notable African and Latino political and community leaders and he can name them. All of our children get healthy doses of Fela Anikulapo Kuti, Erykah Badu, Mos, and Mongo Santamaria. Our home is haven for conscious folks to come and build. We have our own library. I consistently talk to my children about Harriet Tubman, Ida B. Wells, El Hajj Malik Shabazz, Father Allah, Martin Delany, Arturo Schomburg, Hubert Harrison, Ganga Zumbi, and several other heroes and sheroes.
Zumbi is no slouch either. He prefers listening to Martin Luther to Chris Brown. He enjoys the illustrations of Ezra Keats over Maurice Sendak. At school, his teachers explain to us how he mediates disputes among classmates. At home and at school, he makes sure everyone gets a fair shake. Zumbi is all about family. He prefers to camp out with his family at home instead of going out. He makes sure that his siblings are straight before he is.
I am sure every parent says this about his or her child but Zumbi is extremely handsome. I know what you are thinking, but you have to see him to catch my drift. Like all of our children, Zumbi is very popular. A popularity that eluded me as a child but he seems to carry with ease. He doesn't make a big deal out of it. People are quickly attracted to Zumbi and shower him with compliments. And yes, the ladies love them some Zumbi.
This is why his statement came as quite a shock to me. It's not like we aren't involved. Not that we should get any awards for doing our job. Zumbi is well loved and taken care of. I expect to hear that from children who don't have that. That's where I was wrong. So part of it has to do with my parenting. There was some component that I missed.
As we walked to the store to make a purchase, we talked about it.
"Why would you like to be anything other than what you are?" I asked.
He shrugged.
We all stopped. And I crouched down to look him in the eye. His big brown eyes met mine without hesitation.
"Who is the Original Man?" I asked.
He paused.
"I am the Original Man," he said quickly.
"So why would you want to be nothing other than the original?"
He shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, we love you the way you are. You are handsome, bright, well mannered, and a wonderful young man. I am proud to call you my son. You are Zumbi, named after Ganga Zumbi, protector from evil spirits. You are a scientist and a super hero, right?"
"Yes!"
I am sure that is not the end of it. I am sure we won't hear the end of it. I remember when my daughter was in preschool. Her teachers pointed out how there was a group of girls in her class who were causing a little trouble with the other children. Here were a group of 4 year olds flocking around a girl who was "light skinned" and had "good hair."
Yes, four year old girls! I wanted to call a drop squad in that piece. I wanted an intervention. My wife had to calm me down. I ended up talking to the mother of the child. Of course she was oblivious even though the teachers told her on numerous occasions what was going on.
It would be easy to lay the blame squarely on that parent. Let's be real. We are consistently bombarded with images of a standard of beauty that is not ours. And we eat it up. I hear adults joke all the time about people being dark skinned or people with kinky hair. Some will say that it is all in jest. Yet those things are hurtful especially when we deal with the history of non white people in this country.
I see how we treat children who are fair skinned. I hear what we say to them. Yet we hold compliments to those who do not fit the criteria. Again, we shrug our shoulders and act as if those words don't hurt. They do and they affect how people feel about themselves.
Look at the celebrities we hold up. We big up Beyonce and Michael Jackson. Children see that. We refuse to discuss those issues seriously and instead joke about it. Of course, our miseducation doesn't help.
We are told that we need certain things or to look a certain way to be happy. These things we filter down to our children. Children are very observant. Children like adults, are social creatures and just want to be loved and accepted. First, we should be careful around them. Some of the things we do and say are very harmful. Second, we should always express to them how we feel about them. We should always love them and hug them. Tell them that we are there for them and that they are great the way they are at that moment. Third, we should be honest with them and discuss these serious matters of self hate. Where did it come from? Why in 2009 are these ideas being perpetuated? We should study alongside them the history of images and how people see those outside of their communities. We should discuss the impact of slavery and racism.
It sounds like alot but it's still alot without even discussing it. It is heavy baggage even if no one says a word. We want our children to be critical thinkers and we want them to make sound decisions. Most of all, we don't want them to do something deliberately that will bring harm to them. Right?
Labels: arturo schomburg, images, race, self hate, self love, standards of beauty, Zumbi
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